Reframing Our Family - Letter to My Child

Daddy and I have decided to change how we label our relationship. It has been evolving for almost 25 years now and we’ve long since been growing more as individuals than as a couple. Now we are going to declare the exchange of [the product sold to us as] prefabricated expectations for “marriage” for [a better suited & chosen packaging,] self-defining “lifelong friends.” We are, as we have been your whole life, still your “parents” and each other’s “family” and that will never change. Again, Eric, Asher and Megan are always and forever a family. Also, our commitment to care for, *love, support and connect with you doesn’t change & will always be.

To be clear, you are not in any way the reason Daddy and I do not fit as romantic partners. He and I simply don’t arrive in the same place at the same time and there is constant agitation in the relationship over this continuous 'missing.' Just to reiterate, it is not “your fault” and you will never be expected to choose sides (and are welcome to speak about it if it feels that way… for real, not lip service). I am grateful for my relationship with Eric and for our family and do not see it as a mistake. Nor do I see reframing it, to allow us all to expand more fully as beings, as a mistake. I am grateful that it happened and is happening, as it is. I am so grateful for you.

I want you to know that I am willing to be with and support you through anything that arises in you. I want you to know, especially when you see me crying, that I am able to be with pain that arises in me, no matter how big it is. And this translates directly to my ability and willingness to show up in that capacity for Daddy and for you. There is space Here, for your experience. Invitation to remember the feelings chart from when you were younger and let it offer you reassurance… knowing that we can return to that space and process what’s alive in you at any time. No thing too big or too small. All is welcome. And I. Treasure. You.

Also, you don’t have to say anything but please know that I welcome your shares and will answer your questions with respect and honesty.

Big love from above and between <3

P.S. When I mention the word love above, this includes desire for the well-being of each person and for them to have opportunities to develop to their fullest and share in mutual satisfaction.

I realize the above is more conceptual than concrete and encourage you to connect with Daddy for more concrete. Also, the concepts can seem idealistic but the intention behind them and action born out of them are realistic. This is not to say that our interactions will only look like the cumulous clouds version of love (fluffy and picturesque).

Do you remember when you were small and I was yelling at you and you said point blank to me, that I am not acting like I’m your mom. You were of course correct, and the course correction ;) is now written in the scriptures of me. It is more like that… there will be actions that are out of alignment, and we will return to alignment and repair… over and again remembering and experiencing Love. It’s an intention to organize around love… whatever the weather.